White Girl Problems

I have bad news. I regret to inform you all that I inherited a condition at birth that has now reached its advanced stages and has become, unfortunately, irreversible. The condition is commonly known as WGD, (White-Girl Dance).

WGD

Symptoms of WGD include a pouty mouth, bobbing head, pointed fingers, wobbling knees, and any arm movement that resembles a wave. Observe:



* If you suffer from WGD, I would recommend never trying to turn anyone on by say, a striptease.

As I stepped into the middle of the circle to begin the dance exercises with the girls from AFESIP today, I was well aware that one of the side effects of my condition is to cause laughter at my expense. However, knowing that it is useless to fight my condition, I made the conscious decision to wobble and bob and point as gloriously and gracefully as I could.

When I was done I returned to my place in the circumference of the circle to observe and mimic as each girl took her turn in the middle to lead the dance. As the exercise progressed, I became aware of a fascinating new aspect of my condition: It is, apparently, contagious.

What followed my brief performance was a succession of sporadic, ill-timed, rhythm-less movements. It was a good fifteen minutes of body parts flying into different directions and moving to a beat that was curiously unlike the Grease soundtrack playing in the background. Picture a room full of people having semi-synchronized epileptic episodes. They would have more groove than we did.

The entire experience was very fulfilling.

This was one of the warm-up exercises we did to help the girls loosen up and prepare for the theatrical exercises that were to follow. The entire session was a success. Much like the time before, when it was time to say goodbye we left a house full of smiling, happy, and extremely sweaty girls.

Later today a conversation with Julie reminded me of another condition that my good friend Joelle once brought to my attention. Luckily for her, her Pittsburgh upbringing safeguarded her from developing any symptoms of WGD, but it was not enough to save her from WGP, (White-Girl Problems).*

WGP

WGP is often a temporary condition that consists of feeling overwhelmed, distressed, or depressed over problems that are not, in fact, real problems. Examples include, “I can’t find any earrings to match my dress”, “My hair curls in the rain”, or, “I can’t go anywhere for spring break because I spent all my money during my Christmas vacation.” **

If you suffer from WGP, the best remedy is usually to shut the fu** up and move on with your life.

My point is, some people have real problems. The girls I worked with today don't worry about finding earrings that match their dress, they don't have earrings. What they do have are a lot of bad memories, traumatic experiences to work through, and each other. They don't complain that there are eight to ten of them sleeping in one small room, that their clothes are hand-me-downs, or that their toilets are of the squatting kind. Despite all they've been through and all they have yet to face, they still find it in themselves to make new friends, smile, dance, laugh, and be happy. So if you were thinking of staying home today because it's raining outside, or if you're depressed because the person you're crushing on hasn't called, why don't you go bang your head against the wall, knock some sense into yourself, and be happy. Just because you can.



* You do not have to be white to suffer from WGP, the name is simply meant to refer to any privileged individual who is unappreciative of all they have.
** The same condition can occur in a boy (WBP). Examples include “I have no money for beer tonight”, “My dad won’t lend me the car”, or, “my girlfriend’s boobs are small.”